Blazzers Softball Club

Haiku

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 12:08:02 GMT

Beaten down, we lose
but there are always more games
and our spirits rise.

Haiku

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 12:08:02 GMT

Beaten down, we win;
the day is bright with anger.
They belong to me.

Haiku

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 12:08:02 GMT

Dampness comes to us
and we swell with perfect hate.
We will play to win.

Haiku

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 12:08:02 GMT

Poorly written verse
will not stop our efforts.
More crap forthcoming.

Haiku

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 12:08:02 GMT

Age has not withered us
It was the beer
Wot really done it

Haiku

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 12:08:02 GMT

Emotion fails me;
a better way must be found.
It will come to pass.

Haiku

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 12:08:02 GMT

Overhead it sails
and victory quickly fades.
Lost in the red mist.

Joke: Dilbert's Salary Theorem

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 15:34:36 GMT

"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives, sales people, accountants and especially liberal arts majors."
This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two well known postulates:
Postulate 1: ...

Joke: How to wash a cat

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both the seat and lid lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the seat and lid. (You may ...

Joke: A warning for philanderers

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

This bloke is sitting reading his newspaper when the wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" he says. "That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pockets with the name Mary-Ellen written on it," she replies.
"Don't be daft," he ...

Joke: A timely piece of life-advice.

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a ...

Joke: A supposedly true story. Gross but very funny.

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Now, I know that there is a lot of embellishment that occurs when people share an experience and I am aware that a small number of things are perhaps sheer fabrication, but I have a story to tell that is the absolute truth. Funniest damn thing that has ever happened to me.

A couple of weeks ago ...

Joke: How to Pick a Softball Team.

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Let us deal today with a timely sports question.
How do you choose a company softball team?
The answer is, there are lots of ways.
My favourite way is in a bar, late at night, with a hat, 50 pieces of paper, and a group of people who like to sing Abba songs in Swedish, even though they don't ...

Joke: Dilbert's Salary Theorem

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Joke: A supposedly true story, but probably just another urban myth. Still funny though.

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

"In retrospect, I admit it was unwise to try to gain access to my house via the cat flap," Gunther Burpus admitted to reporters in Bremen, Germany. "I suppose that the reason they're called cat flaps, rather than human flaps, is because they're too small for people, and perhaps I should have ...

Joke: Steve

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

This guy was going to see his favourite baseball team play.
He had been eagerly waiting for this day for months!
He got to the game, found his seat and began to settle in.
He picked up his newspaper, got his beer and his hot dog and just as he get comfortable he heard someone yell, "Hey ...

Joke: An excellent joke that I haven't seen before.

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Stuck for the perfect gift for your female friends?

Then try the new and improved 'Mouse for Women'.
Given the difficulties with the utilisation of the standard mouse experienced by women, the leading computer companies IBM and Microsoft have joined forces to try to find a solution to the ...

Joke: Dublin Olympics

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

In an attempt to influence the members of the international Olympic committee on their choice of venue for the games in 2008, the organisers of Dublin's bid have already drawn up an itinerary and schedule of events. A copy has been leaked and is reproduced below.

Opening Ceremony:
The ...

Joke: Book of Corporate

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Today's reading is from the Book of Corporate

Section 1, Chapter 1, Verses 1-15

1. In the beginning was the Plan.
2. And then came the Assumptions.
3. And the Assumptions were without form.
4. And the Plan was without Substance.
5. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers. ...

Joke: A Smart Blonde

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she is going to Europe on business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5000.00.
The bank officers says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. ...

Joke: Teddy Bears

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.
They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the ...

Joke: Speaking Slowly

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years. First guy asks the second guy, "How have things been going?"
The second guy speaking very s..l..o..w..l..y.. tells the first guy, "I w..a..s.. a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d."
The first guy says in amazement "Hey; ...

Joke: The Parrot

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot." I'm a ...

Joke: Liverpool

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

At the end of a tiny, deserted bar is a huge Scouse bloke in a Liverpool shirt 6ft 5 and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well-dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After three or four beers the queer fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the ...

Joke: Lesbians

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

This woman goes to the doctor and explains she is very worried about two marks on her legs.
The doctor asks for a look.
She shows him; two green circles on her inner thighs.
"Are you a lesbian ?", he asks.
"Yes", she says, "how did you know ?"
"You had better tell your girlfriend that ...

Joke: Well here is one of those top ten lists, which normally I don't like, but some of these are good.

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Top 10 reasons for being a man rather than a woman
1.You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
2.You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
3.If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've ...

Joke: Deathbed confession

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Becky was on her deathbed. Her husband, Jake, was maintaining a vigil by her side. He held her fragile hand, tears ran down his face. His praying roused her from her slumber. She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Jake," she whispered.
"Hush, my love," He said. "Rest. ...

Joke: Why Irishmen are so good in bed.

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

THE PREPARATION

Friday Night is very much love-night for the Irish man. Arriving back from the pub, having partaken of the traditional Irish aphrodisiac - 12 pints of Guinness, and some fish and chips, his mind set on one thing. LOVE! Or as he say's himself "the ride". His lust, at fever pitch, ...

Joke: A Letter From Grandma

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

The other day I went to the local religious book store where I saw a "Honk if you really love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light of a busy intersection just lost in ...

Joke: The Boy and the Frog

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk pulling a wagon and dragging a flattened frog on a string behind it, when he comes up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute.
He knocked on the door, and the madam came to answer it, saw him and asked what he wanted.
He ...

Joke: A Cowboy's Wish

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief.
The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die.
But we feel sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days.
On sundown of the third day, you die.
What is first wish?"
The cowboy says, "I want ...

Joke: A new joke/'true story'

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled.
A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.
He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The ...

Joke: Flapping

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A woman went to the doctor asking for bigger breasts.
The doctor gave her the choice of either having an implant or wearing a special bra.
The doctor explained, "When you flap your arms up and down, the bra inflates."
Of course, the woman chose the bra.
The next day she went to a bar to try ...

Joke: Lion Taming

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up.
One is a good looking lad in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
The circus owner tells them,
"I'm not going to sugar coat it.
This is one ferocious lion.
He ate my last tamer so ...

Joke: The Celibacy Test

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test.
The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. ...

Joke: Blonde Bank Robbers

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together.
The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail.
The robbery begins.
Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffie,
"I want to make absolutely sure you ...

Joke: The Brothel

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Two Irishmen were digging a ditch across the street from a brothel.
Suddenly, they spotted a rabbi walk up to the door, glance around and duck inside.
"Ah, will you look at that," one of the diggers exclaimed.
"What's the world coming to when men o' th' cloth are visiting such places!" ...

Joke: Porch Talk

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Two little old ladies were sitting on the porch doing nothing.
One asks the other one," Nellie? Do you ever get horny anymore?"
"Why sure I do!!" Nellie said.
The other lady continued.
"Well how do you deal with it? I get so horny sometimes I can't stand it!"
Nellie told her friend her ...

Joke: Nice Hair

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice.
The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why.
The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says what's wrong with the ...

Joke: Catholic Maths

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A Jewish kid was having problems in school and his parents decided to move him to another school to try and improve his grades.
No luck.
So they tried it again......and again......but still he was doing really badly.
Eventually they had run out of options and had no choice but to send him to ...

Joke: The Ebonics Lord's Prayer

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Yo big daddy upstairs (our father who art in heaven)
You be chillin' (hallowed be thy name)
So be yo hood (thy kingdom come)
You be saying it I be doing it (thy will be done)
In dis here hood and in yos (on earth as it is in heaven)
Gimme some eats (give us this day our daily bread)
And cut ...

Joke: The Nursing Home

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Edna and Bill were two residents of a nursing home who had been carrying on a love affair.
They were both 96 years old and wheelchair bound.
Every night, they would meet in the TV room.
Edna would passively hold Bill's penis, and they would watch TV for an hour or so.
It wasn't much, but it ...

Joke: A Fruity Joke

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Three men who were lost on an island were captured by cannibals.
The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit.
So all three men went separate ways to gather ...

Joke: Coma

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A man is visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years.
On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her.
On doing this she lets out a sigh.
The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should ...

Joke: The Traveling Salesman

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A travelling salesman is in a small town in the midwest, when his trip is suddenly prolonged for an extra month.
He was already getting bored there and over the course of the extra month he becomes very homesick.
Finally, he decides to give in to temptation and visit the local brothel.
He ...

Joke: Rejection Lines

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)
10 I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9 There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one old bastard.)
8 I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are ...

Joke: An old one, and supposedly true story

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A female flight attendant of a US airline flying to the Bahamas will never forget the recent mix up that occurred.
An airline employee named "mark gay" boarded the plane in Miami on a free "stand by".
Mr Gay moved from his seat 8c when a male passenger said that it was his.
The plane ...

Joke: Fast Moped

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A hip young man goes out and buys a 1997 Ferrari GTO.
It is the best and most expensive car available in the world, costing about $500,000.
He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him.
The old man ...

Joke: The new intern

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Clinton is walking down a hall in the White House and encounters a new intern and asks "Are you new here ?"
"Yes" she answers "I thought so", he says, "I haven't come across your face ...

Joke: Copy of a letter from a Clontra, Co. Longford farmer in reply to an income tax demand.

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

Dear Sirs,
Your letter arrived this morning in an open envelope and it would have given the son and myself pleasure had it not revived in us a melancholy reflection of what has gone before. You say you thought the account could have been settled long ago, and you could not understand why it ...

Joke: GAA Final

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A guy was sitting at the All Ireland Senior Gaelic Final in the very best seat available.
The guy on his left noticed there was an empty seat next to him and said, "Can you believe someone actually paid for that seat and didn't come to the game?"
The fellow next to him replied, "Actually ...

Joke: Golf confession

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A man goes to the confessional.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you use this awful language?" asked the priest. ...

Joke: The Amusement Park Blind Date

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A young man took his beautiful blind date to an amusement park.
They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel.
The ride completed, she seemed rather bored.
"What would you like to do next?" he asked.
"I wanna be weighed," she said.
So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. ...

Joke: Jackass

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!!
Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
Now get this.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make.
I found ...

Joke: The salesman

webmaster@blazzers.com (Blazzers) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:44:41 GMT

A salesman knocks on a farmer's door and says, "I notice you have some milkweed growing alongside the road. Do you mind if I get myself some milk?"
The farmer thinks the guy is nuts, but says "Son, if you can get milk out of my milkweed, take all you can carry".
An hour later the salesman ...

Limerick: Kevin Kelly